(I'm going to try using different colors to spice up my blog for a little bit!)

Today was another difficult day. I wonder when I'm going to hit rock bottom. Perhaps today was rock bottom - forgetting to go to lecture, coming to preceptor group meeting late. I really pray hard that I am not failing this clerkship. Please, a pass. I will never be more happy in my life just to get a pass. Honestly, the last time I was feeling this way was college during East Asian Economics after I flunked my midterm! (Please even a C, even a C!!!)

My roommate thinks that this is really just all in my head. She's convinced that all the things happening the past week/days have all been self-fulfilling prophecies. Perhaps she's right. You know, I'm not the kind of person to say never. It could be. Although, I'm trying my best to stay positive. It's just very hard.

I realized today how incredibly focused you have to be to go through a clinical rotation - without the 100% focus and mental power, you just fall further and further behind. I haven't studied for a good week and a half. It's just hard to muster up that energy. Someone had told me that a bad/rocky relationship will take a lot out of you 3rd year. It's true. A lot more than you can ever imagine. My dad says to just hold it out for another 8 days at most! He's right on. I counted and there really are just 8 days left! Incredible. Isn't it?

I wanted to do something crazy today (as in pick up the phone and call someone) but I didn't. Slowly, the "drug" is leaving the system. I think I'm withdrawing. Maybe that's why my mind has been so ill at ease recently. But, I'm OK. I'm learning to be a Zen master. Zen master and following the Tao.